Partnerships

Trinity has found a friend.

Now, I'm not saying I have absconded the idea of F.R.S. (Female Recreational Sex); no indeed, but I've found that I enjoy connecting with my female lovers in ways I never did when I was younger.

Last night was no exception.

S and I went to dinner together and spent time laughing and sharing, talking, laughing some more....then we got a room.

Suddenly, expectations and awkwardness ensued. We both covered for these feelings nicely by laughing even more. And we were a little toasted--not much, just enough to be giggly.  I love to tease her and she has this deliciously dry sense of humor that makes me warm in all the right places.

But there was an interesting specter, maybe even two that hovered near-by:

Our husbands were both home, awaiting us with baited breath, hoping ours was baited as well. And I found that as much as I wanted S, as much as I enjoyed S, I wanted to be close to her, naked with her, ravishing her....the more I wanted to share my experience with Bent, my beloved. I wanted to experience the moment with her with him, too. I wanted him to know how wonderful I think she is, how funny, how beautiful, how her roiling sexuality affects me. I wanted to share her and I wanted her to share me with her beloved. I wanted all of us. For some reason, it felt incomplete.

And I'd never had that before. I don't think it has anything to do with S; on the contrary, I think it has to do with my relationship to Bent. We are so in-tune with each other sexually, that doing anything without him now seems lop-sided and strange. But I still yearn for women, S in particular.

So we decided to stop kissing and laughing and to include the men later, of course.

What I wanted to say but couldn't was this: "S, you are beautiful and I am so aroused by you both sexually and mentally--we are kindred spirits in so many ways. I want to experience you in every way. I thought we could do that first, then perhaps include our partners; but I realize that this was backwards. We are both in primary partnerships and in order to feel comfortable, I think we need to present ourselves that way. In short, I want you, but I want all of you, whatever that means. I want your partner there to experience me through you, and vice versa. Most of all, I want to 'keep' you and not lose each other because we didn't honor our feelings.

I believe we will be able to experience each other in a total way if we open ourselves to the possibility that we are inextricably a part of a whole in our partnerships. You turn me on. You make my "burneth"; most surprising, you help me feel a wholeness that I want to share with the most important man in my life. Thank you for your beauty and friendship. Until next time, and make it soon--for we mustn't "try"--we must "do".

But I couldn't say it last night because when my tongue wasn't tied with hers, it was laughing, enjoying, feeling the possibilities, one lick at a time.

paix,

Trinity